Who of you out there hasn't been on TV yet? Come on, who are you? Speak up now. It's a brand new day of the brand new year & I've just seen the rerun of a friend of my cousin's appearing as a contestant on Deal or No Deal, originally aired Christmas night. And oh, what an amazing feat of mediocrity it was. This girl, a rude, five-headed, socially irresponsible nitwit, whom I've been lucky enough to know for more than 20 years, has recently garnered worldwide housewife fame for delivering a litter of 6 in Arizona -- ooh, the first dog-lady there ever! Since dropping all six puppies this summer, she & her husband have trotted themselves & their progeny in front of any camera that seems to be on. "Does that red light mean we're being broadcast live in Shanghai?" Apparently, NBC owns the rights to their American fame, since they're now regulars on the Today show (love your non-hair, Lauer) & just accepted a lousy deal of $121k on the aforementioned DoND rerun. Jamie & I fear there'll be a reality show soon enough, following the daily lives of God's favorite baby factory.(Oh yeah, welcome my cousin Jamie to our family of dedicated readers, people.) Of course, being the glutton for punishment that I am, I looked at their blog & saw that even their proposal was on national TV. These two media hogs were absolutely destined for each other. Ahh, true love.
But Jenny the human uterus isn't the only one getting her 15 minutes. Seems everywhere I look, regular people are getting theirs on the ol' boob tube on ultra-amazing, uber-real reality and game shows. "Clash of the Choirs" featured superstar Patti LaBelle putting together a choir to compete against the hastily-assembled fighting choirs of posers Nick Lachey, Michael Bolton, Kelly Rowland and Blake Shelton, the last two of whom I've never even heard. I seriously doubt "The Moment of Truth," an elaborate, televised game of truth or dare, will pay off with naked boobies, bullies getting payback from their former victims or astonishing human insights -- all of which you'd imagine from the title. Of course, reality queen bee Carson Kressley couldn't help but jump back into the action with "How to Look Good Naked," which, we can only hope, will actually help an army of fat girls get naked for TV.
And the writers' strike promises to deliver even more of this teleterror (Copyright mine, 2008, bitches). Never before in my life have I valued great writing more than I do now -- now that I'm facing at least a season of these Hey-America-You're-On-TV-'Cause-We-Don't-Wanna-Pay-Real-Talent tablescraps on my beloved big-screen.
Do I say all this because I want my own reality show based on my already extensive body of TV appearances, two of which you can see here and here? No. I truly feel the loss of the brilliant writing we all take for granted.
Late & later tonight, after we should all be in bed, America will witness the real comic genius of Jay Leno & Conan O'Brien. Can you guess which one I predict may actually produce a quality show even without his trusty writers? Darwin said only one can survive. Tune in with me to see who goes down in flames & who proves to be worth his weight in jokes. And let's all work on each & every one of you getting some small-screen face time in 2008.
7 comments:
Hey Erin, Why were you in Philly? (And you were noticeably heavier there!). Also, the 3rd link went to a page that did not have the video- check it out.
Although I do not watch any late night TV, I am guessing Conan will of course do a far superior job.
As for TV time, I was in a commercial when I was maybe 5 for "Child World". I searched for it on you tube, but haven't found it yet. I think that's my only TV time to date. I'm terrified of how I would appear on video tape, so that's ok with me.
by the way, I have to paraphrase my friend Michelle who said something like:
"It's a vagina, not a clown car."
I love that woman.
I was never in Philly. We taped at the 14th Street Y & it was distributed to TV stations all across the country.
OMG--the search is on to find Child World!
The vagina/clown car description of the sextuplet lady is perfect!
Bitch Cakes, that last link should open an ABC News video player, which plays a clip called "Hardcore Double Dutch?"
Jamie, I hope you get a prominent role in the reality show for all Jenny's crap that you put up with all your lives. And thank you for having a responsible vagina, no matter what's on TV.
So yeah, weird. I totally watched that Deal or No Deal with Big Guy's family over the holidays. How random that it's the only DorND I caught.
The last link doesn't work.
I heard Leno tanked. How did Conan do?
Truly bizarre, HollyMay. Did you think, as my cousin & I have mused, "Hmm, how socially irresponsible to have all those babies & then ask everyone else to care for them"? Or simply, "Eww, can you imagine the flood of fluids that would accompany that sort of litter?"
I'll remove the broken link during a Native American cleansing ritual.
I heard the same about Leno, but that Conan, being a naturally funny person, was at least entertaining. I somehow succumbed to my undiagnosed SAD & actually fell asleep around 7 that evening, missing the not-to-be-missed return of late night TV. Sad indeed.
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