Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Don't Forget To Have Kids

Oh, Mika, really? You're gonna tell young women that the greatest gift a woman can receive is children? Not self-respect? Not knowing who you are and standing up for that person? Not loving yourself exactly as you are? Just what your uterus can do, huh? Yeah, we've come a long way, ladies.

How about this -- instead of a "You can have it all. Just as long as you're a mommy." attitude, we all strive for a more progressive ideal of, "As long as you feel true fulfillment in your life and happiness with your choices, it doesn't matter if you have kids early, later or not at all." That way, we can stop telling girls to look outside themselves for their self-worth and maybe work harder on helping them develop self-esteem through making smart decisions.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

wednesday one-liner

C. Wolff: Hmm.... I feel like I set something down here

Fifi: You know what you set down? A precedent.

Yeah, that's right. I did it.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

and with this, the silence ends

It's a little-known scientific fact that when you have nothing but time on your hands, said time flies much faster. One hour of free time -- watching TV, not writing, not reading friends' blogs, vegging out -- becomes a week, becomes 3 months.

I haven't forgotten about you all. I haven't forgotten about writing. I haven't forgotten to do things about which I could blog. I've just been lazy -- enjoying my free time. Try not to hate me for it. Instead, take the opportunity this Saturday to come out to the opening bout of the GGRD & see my debut as a jeerleader.

Saturday, March 28 - Season Opening Double Header

Doors 6:30pm, Whistle at 7:30pm

GGRD All-Stars vs. Boston Derby Dames All-Stars

GGRD's Wall Street Traitors vs. Suburbia (Westchester) All-Stars

Including presentation of the WFTDA National Championship trophy, THE HYDRA

at LIU-Brooklyn's Schwartz Athletic Center

at 1 University Plaza, Corner of Flatbush and DeKalb

Easy access by subway: A, C, G to Hoyt Schermerhorn,

B, M, Q, R to DeKalb, or 2, 3, 4, 5 to Nevins

Tickets available now right here for the full 2009 season of bouts!


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

i totally nailed that ballot

Who knew voting could make a person feel so powerful and sexy? Upon successfully making history in the voting booth, I walked out of my polling place, P.S. 34, literally euphoric.

Earlier this morning, it was a different story around here. I had a giant mop to tame before I could leave the house. This photo evidence is for those of you who don't believe my hair is naturally curly. Unlike lucky straight-haired people, I fell asleep with damp hair & woke up the swamp thing.

Oh & in the spirit of the day, I'm still seeking submissions for my future jeerleader name. Let's get some submissions, people!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

and just like that, i'm a jeerleader

Yes, my friends, the mood's been heavy lately. But in the midst of all the loss, the man & I managed to miss only one Gotham Girls Roller Derby bout all season. But we did make it to the latest bout, September 27th, an amazing double-header. The Brooklyn Bombshells barely edged past the bilingual all-star gals of Montreal Roller Derby, the New Skidz on the Block, & had the crowd on our feet, screaming, clapping & stomping ('cause that makes the most noise). Then the Manhattan Mayhem beat the living snot outta the Rhode Island Riveters of Providence Roller Derby.

While there, I was recruited by my friends in the world-famous Gotham Girls Jeerleaders to become a member of the hottest group of pom-pom-toting bitches in the Big Bad Apple. Come next season, yours truly will be trackside as one of Manhattan's Jailhouse Rockettes.

Now, some of you might ask, "Why Manhattan? Why not Brooklyn, you treasonous lech?" Well, because my friend Lizzie Warden claimed me for her very own, & how, my friends, could I fight someone named Lizzie Warden?

Some others of you might ask, "Why a Jeerleader & not a skater? I thought you wanted to be a rollergirl." Well, yeah. Even a year ago, I would've said "Hell yeah, I'm gonna be a rollergirl!" But after trying out & being rejected twice, I started playing soccer to get in prime condition & enjoy the camaraderie of a team sport in the meantime. Turns out, I really dig it & I get plenty hurt (just check out my bruises of the week) kicking balls & ass on McCarren's soccer fields every Friday night. Hell, I even got stitches (about which I really meant to blog)!

So Fifi Fleshwound might never skate on the flat-track, but I will be an official member of the supporting cast next season. If you haven't yet been initiated into the wonderful world of women's flat-track roller derby, or if you've got a hankerin' for another fun- & blood-filled bout, the Championship Bout between the Bronx Gridlock & the Queens of Pain is October 25th. If you can't make that bout, you'll have to wait for next season when you'll get a load of my fantastic jeering skills along with the uber-amazing action of the derby.

In the meantime, I have to come up with a sexy, bad-ass Jeerleader name -- preferably with Fifi, of course, but I'm open to any suggestion. So, help me out with a jeering moniker & earn my undying devotion. Do it. Do it now.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

dear rasha

It was a month ago yesterday that you were taken from us, decades too soon. In that month, those of us you left behind have become closer than ever. I guess you can be happy about that. Many of us have said, "I hope I take on some of Rasha's patience, acceptance, zest for life" in order to have truly learned from your example. Sadly, all I can say so far is I've taken on some of your eating habits. Maybe that's just a step in a more tolerant direction.

You've left some pretty stunned people in your wake. Those of us who didn't know each other before have clung together to try to glean more of you from each other. We've celebrated your life, your birthday, your boyfriend's birthday, several other friends' birthdays & the Punk Rope DVD release. We've attended each other's plays & games, gone on 2 beach trips, picnicked, bowled & dined together. At every event, there was a huge void -- something making us all tear up, that we don't have to explain. There's never a smile or a laugh without the wistful thought, "Rasha should be here." You are greatly missed.

Even though it's been a month, it still feels unreal. None of us truly accepts the truth of the matter. And as I sit in an ICU waiting room for the second time in a month, I keep asking, "Why?" Why not the redneck sitting across from me who's obviously never met a fried vegetable she didn't love, a cigarette she didn't smoke or a beer she didn't chug? Why not the enormous lady from the other day who kept stuffing french fries down her gullet, apparently trying to make a quick transition from the Cardiac ICU waiting room to a semi-private room? Why not the little shithead who took your life, instead of you? None of it makes any sense. Maybe none of it ever will.

You are forever missed.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

crap -- i've been labeled

All this time I'd been saying I didn't want a lavish wedding, or even a wedding per se -- because I don't want a froufrou dress, DEFINITELY no family & no attendants (because that always seems to devolve into a popularity contest & I couldn't do that to the people I love the most) -- it turns out that I'm an "anti-bride."

With all my anti-consumer-religio-corporate-marriage leanings, I've been pegged as my very own tidy demographic. Damn it all to hell.

Monday, June 16, 2008

bruise of the week (3 installments in one!)

bruise week uno

Our 1st candidate for glory tonight is from my first soccer game, April 25th. I took a cleat to the inside of my right knee -- from a guy who probably had a good 50 lbs. on me. It's just kind of amazing that he didn't break my leg.

bruise week dos

Our next beauty is from the last week of May. I wish I had a really cool story to go with it -- like I knocked out some Amazon woman's teeth when she shoved her way on the subway one morning. But it ain't so. I stepped out of the way of a woman in my office & ran my hand into a metal hand railing. This one was hot & lasted a long time.

bruise week tres

Our current contender is a swollen, ugly knuckle that makes it painful for me to even walk. That's right, this bitch is my big toe knuckle. I did this 2 weeks ago in a soccer game. I kicked the crap out of a guy, trying to get the ball from him. He was totally asking for it.

We also have a runner up for this week -- I took the full brunt of a hurtling soccer ball to the...wait for it...RIGHT knee. My poor right leg has really taken a beating in soccer.

So, how does your black & blue look this week?

Friday, June 13, 2008

it's thurs...wtf, it's friday already?!

This week has come & gone like so many others -- swiftly & without enough chocolate.

With the week's end, there are a few things I have to get off my chest.

1) Strapless dresses should never, under any circumstances, be acceptable office wear. Not even for ladies. If I see another girl tugging to keep her boobs covered during a meeting, I might just call her out for dressing like her mom when she's working the corner. And it's just now June, for christ's sake. I have several more months for this.

2) People with hooves in place of toes should not be allowed to wear flip-flops, sandals, mandals or any other type of open shoe. I almost threw up on a lady this morning, switching from the G to the V at Court Square. Her right big toe was so gnarled it was like a tree stump became human.

3) I'm still at work while everyone in my office packs up & leaves. I need to go mourn Tim Russert's passing -- what an amazing political reporter. He will be greatly missed.

So, I'm heading out to prepare for my last regular season soccer game. We're tied for 2nd going into the game, so wish us luck, bitches. If you can't make it to cheer on the Badgers tonight, next week & the week after are the playoffs. In case you're gonna miss those due to previous commitments, outrageous airfare costs or that restraining order, here's a picture our very own precious Bitch Cakes took of yours truly (from May 23rd).

Tomorrow, look for a new post -- that will hopefully be a regular installment: bruise of the week. I have a few weeks of glorious black, blue, purple & green to catch you up on.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

the unspeakable power of knee socks

Living in NYC & being a Vag American, I often get cat calls. Some days, more than others. But the biggest reactions I get are on days when I wear knee socks...and they're visible.

Last Thursday: I put on a simple black dress -- nothing fancy, just cute (P.S., ladies, if you don't already own one of these, buy one now, as they're unbelievably flattering & forgiving). But, apparently, when I pulled on black/grey/white/red argyle knee socks (with red skulls & crossbones at the top) & some black patent pumps before walking out the door, I became a total vamp.

So many male heads turned my way you'd think I was wearing nothing but bacon. Suits, tourists, bike messengers, old men. Even asexual, girls' jeans-wearing hipster boys. A construction worker screamed "wow" from the top of a scaffold. A couple of men walked into doors and other sidewalk impediments. I was walking mayhem.

But when I've worn that dress before, reactions were mild at best. So I began to wonder, is it the knee socks themselves that melt men into googly-eyed little boys? Is it the sex-appeal I feel, and surely exude, when I put them on? Or did I just look particularly hot that day?

To test my theory, I rocked grey & black striped knee socks today with a grey long-sleeved boxy t-shirt, black capris & the same black patent pumps. Again, heads have turned, cat calls have emanated from trucks & parking garages. Seas of tourists have parted in my path. Other women looked on jealously.

However, I left the house this morning in my rain boots, which covered my knee socks completely. Not a head turned. It wasn't till I got to work & changed from the boots to the pumps that I got noticed. Without the visible knee socks, I had on a cloak of invisibility. As soon as people could see them, they could see me. One of my account girls even said, "It makes me proud to walk into client offices with you like that, 'cause you're obviously creative."