Thursday, May 22, 2008

the unspeakable power of knee socks


Living in NYC & being a Vag American, I often get cat calls. Some days, more than others. But the biggest reactions I get are on days when I wear knee socks...and they're visible.

Last Thursday: I put on a simple black dress -- nothing fancy, just cute (P.S., ladies, if you don't already own one of these, buy one now, as they're unbelievably flattering & forgiving). But, apparently, when I pulled on black/grey/white/red argyle knee socks (with red skulls & crossbones at the top) & some black patent pumps before walking out the door, I became a total vamp.

So many male heads turned my way you'd think I was wearing nothing but bacon. Suits, tourists, bike messengers, old men. Even asexual, girls' jeans-wearing hipster boys. A construction worker screamed "wow" from the top of a scaffold. A couple of men walked into doors and other sidewalk impediments. I was walking mayhem.

But when I've worn that dress before, reactions were mild at best. So I began to wonder, is it the knee socks themselves that melt men into googly-eyed little boys? Is it the sex-appeal I feel, and surely exude, when I put them on? Or did I just look particularly hot that day?

To test my theory, I rocked grey & black striped knee socks today with a grey long-sleeved boxy t-shirt, black capris & the same black patent pumps. Again, heads have turned, cat calls have emanated from trucks & parking garages. Seas of tourists have parted in my path. Other women looked on jealously.

However, I left the house this morning in my rain boots, which covered my knee socks completely. Not a head turned. It wasn't till I got to work & changed from the boots to the pumps that I got noticed. Without the visible knee socks, I had on a cloak of invisibility. As soon as people could see them, they could see me. One of my account girls even said, "It makes me proud to walk into client offices with you like that, 'cause you're obviously creative."

Obviously.

9 comments:

Miss Dewey Decimal said...

i'm surprised you didn't already know of the power of knee socks. i mean, i've never worn bacon, you know, cause i'm a jew, so i can't say what that would be like, but i get a lot of attention (mostly unwanted) when i wear knee socks.

fifi said...

As an atheist, I often wear bacon. In fact, one of the tenets of atheism is Bacon Wednesdays, wear we don our bacon best to show our solidarity with some of the smartest animals on earth (not smart enough to eat us instead of the other way around, but...).

The knee socks, though, I just recently got back into. And the fact that a woman in her mid-30s draws as much attention while wearing them as she drew in her mid-20s -- even sans sock? Well, I think that speaks to the magic of the knee socks.

*Bitch Cakes* said...

Wow, I like your scientific approach to determining the cause of the cat calls! Unfortunately, my short fat legs can't pull off knee socks.

And don't tell the whole world about our dress!!! (I'm wearing it today, coincidentally) It's true, it's a miracle dress- I get a billion compliments in it- one this morning from a little girl, probably 12, who was crossing Greenpoint Ave and said "I love what you're wearing!"

Ah, youth- how cute.

fifi said...

Yep -- that's how my brain works. I'm confronted with an enigma & I have to dissect it. So far, my findings haven't steered me wrong.

JJ Kimmel said...

Hells yes you're getting cat calls lady. I'd whistle at ya if you walked by me! Maybe I should get myself some of those knee socks. Us women who drive mini vans and have stretch marks need a little extra affirmation.

fifi said...

Yeah, Jamie, but I'd EXPECT you to whistle at me, since I PAID you to do it. But would you whistle of your own volition?

I think you could definitely benefit from the overriding sexiness of knee socks. Just don't pull them up over your stretch marks, 'cause that's not sexy. Neither are knee-high pantyhose, but I think that goes without saying (if our mothers wear or wore it, chances are, it's not sexy).

But I'd love to see the looks on the faces of everyone at the Costco when you walk in rockin' some knee socks. Sweet Jesus of Colorado Springs, you'd draw some serious attention!

Unknown said...

Mean are pigs and they all want to fuck catholic school girls, cheerleaders or teenage girls in general.

It's sad really.

jeremy77 said...

hey! as a guy, i do get turned on by knee-socks! i never went to catholic school either! but i think i am drawn to them as they are great clothes to keep the lower part of the leg warm in colder climates and also there are various different type of sock available!

anyway, as the trends for this spring and fall, knee-socks and over-knee-socks are a "must have" for a woman!

please keep wearing them i say and watch the guys trying to keep up with you!

i actually moderate a forum which features many female celebrities so far who wear these socks! they are very practical! i can speak for maybe 50 males, a few females that they do have a liking for these socks!

thanks for the post! very interesting! i am glad in one way i am not alone that they do have a special power!

Unknown said...

I was super excited that the socks for myself were so great that I plan on buying my children's socks through Socks 4 Life as well. custom knee socks